Most teen and young women where I live socialize online mainly on Facebook. Including the gymnasts.
Is that a problem?
Perhaps less than most coaches think. From the NY Times:
Good news for worried parents: All those hours their teenagers spend socializing on the Internet are not a bad thing, according to a new study by the MacArthur Foundation.
Gymnasts are BUSY. They don’t have much time for Mall crawling and hanging out with friends.
But they can keep in touch with what’s happening through MySpace or Facebook. Before or after work-out.
… “Those concerns about predators and stranger danger have been overblown,†she said. “There’s been some confusion about what kids are actually doing online. Mostly, they’re socializing with their friends, people they’ve met at school or camp or sports.†…
NY Times – Teenagers’ Internet Socializing Not a Bad Thing
Facebook is not going away. We need to make the best of it.
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One big question is whether or not coaches should “friend” their gymnasts.
Many my age, do not. Preferring to keep a “professional distance”.
My policy is to “friend” gymnasts on their request only. That’s worked out well for me, so far.
The day may come when I decide to unfriend all current athletes, however. Though I hope it doesn’t.
Leave a comment if you’ve had problems with athletes using social networking sites.
UPDATE: The comments are excellent on this post. Especially the one from Just another opinion. Thanks. I will stay “friended” to my gymnasts that made the request, for now. It’s definitely been a PLUS. Also, they need to learn — hopefully not the hard way — what’s appropriate and inappropriate to share with the world. Knowing that adults can monitor, is part of that.
9 comments ↓
I refuse to add my gymnasts until they are retired or 18.
Similar policy here, except all my gymnasts must be over 18 (retired or not). God knows I see/speak to them enough at the gym anyway! I’m all for keeping a strict professional distance.
Personally, I don’t use any of the social networking sites. Good or bad, I just don’t have the time or the inclination for it. Anyway, I don’t think it’s appropriate for coaches to “friend” their athletes. Mostly because we’re not their “friends” – we’re their coaches, their mentors, their teachers, but not their “friends”. Maybe I’m one of those parents that sees too much potential for the bad things that the internet can bring (even with the studies that show I’m being over protective), but I think that if you’ve got an adult coach “friending” their child athletes, there’s something wrong there. They need to be interacting with people their own age. We advise/tell our coaches that they should not be interacting with their athletes in this way when they’re outside the gym.
I don’t use those sites, either, and I know many parents who won’t allow their children to until they are older (even 18)! I don’t think that’s a bad thing. They’re not exactly missing out on anything that is going to take away from their childhood or development as adults.
I would never friend an athlete even though I am female for two reasons: professional distance and no desire to get involved in any law suits of any kind ever.
I do what Rick does, I only accept Friend requests.
But I can see where this might be a problem in the future.
Long post, but I believe valid and important:
First: Yes, it is entirely possible to meet strangers and pervs on these networking sites, masquerading as teens, just as it is in real life. Any good parenting should be able to prevent most (not all, terrible things can happen) teens from attempting to encounter these people in real life. The danger isn’t Facebook per se, but that creeps exist. They will always find a way to meet kids, so the best thing you can do is teach your child how to recognize these people and what to do when they suspect they’ve met one.
Secondly: non-Facebook users tend to have a misperception about what “befriending” means. For most kids, it’s strictly a numbers thing. If you’ve ever met someone, talked to someone, looked at someone, or heard her name, or been in the same room as him, or have a similar interest, or first name, or hair color, then you’re qualified to be Facebook friends. It really doesn’t mean what you may fear it does. It’s in part a social status, “I have 1,314 Facebook friends,” etc. Obviously, it’s impossible to keep up with that many people on a close, personal level. Just because someone befriended someone, doesn’t mean they’re IMing all the time, engaging in some relationship that they shouldn’t be. I analogize it like this: If a coach saw his gymnast in Walmart, would he say hi? Would she? Or should he just hide his eyes and run away? Most normal people would say hi, maybe chat a second (with or without a parent present) and then say “Ok, see you at gym tomorrow,” and move along. Facebook largely doesn’t have to be different from that. Friending usually is merely acknowledging someone else exists.
The good and the bad: If I were a parent, and my kid’s coach were on Facebook, you damn well better believe I’d be on Facebook as well, and make sure I was his friend. I’m in school right now, and we’ve had advisor after advisor tell us how employers are using Facebook as a reference (your own page can betray you). They check to see what groups you belong to, what wall postings you’ve made, the things you say, and most especially your pictures. If I were a parent, and my coach had posted hundreds of pictures of himself or herself, drunk and doing foolish things at parties and bars, I’d have some serious questions regarding his/her decision making process. If I were a coach, and I saw my gymnast posted some videos that show her doing unwise things, we’d need to address that with her parents.
So you’re right, adults should be adults. And, in my opinion, a Facebook relationship doesn’t change that, unless the coach is acting unprofessionally, which odds are, if he’s doing online, he’s doing in real life, and you should get out of that gym or tell some people. The possible benefit though is for adults to be adults, ONLINE, too, and monitor their kids, coach and parent alike. When I was a kid, I don’t think I could go anywhere where my mom or dad wasn’t able to find out what was going on, either from calling a teacher, another parent, coach, youth group leader, whatever. Kids will try to get away with stuff, (they can make multiple Facebook profiles, and set the privacy settings to hide from you, btw, if you didn’t know). And it’s your job, as a parent, and I contend as any responsible adult in their lives (which means good and moral coaches), to protect them within reason.
If you do want to add them, there is a way to on facebook to limit what they see if your profile
I use Livejournal and if my parents had not allowed me to use, I don’t know where I’d be. I’ve met more close friends on there and its nice to have groups of people who like my nutty likes whereas in real life I can’t always get that. So I think it’s a matter of parents teaching their kids how to be safe.
Thanks to all who took the time to comment. I’ve updated the original post.
To the person who posted this: “how employers are using Facebook as a reference (your own page can betray you)”
Yes but you can set your profile to private and only those you allow to see your profile. There are other privacy settings you can enact as well. I have mine set so that nobody can just “friend me”, I have to be the one to friend them. They can send me a request but I can deny it if I want. All my photos, groups, etc. are private except to my friends and only my friends. Its about learning how to use your privacy settings.
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